Blog #9

Last week we discussed the topic of the parent-child relationship. After leaving class I began to think of ways in which to strengthen these relationships as it is not always the easiest to get along with you parents (at least I struggle with it from time to time). I looked for way to do this and I found a website that gave very simples steps in which families can strengthen themselves.

1. Say I love You

2. Teach your faith

3. Establish a special name or code word

4. Develop and maintain a special bedtime ritual

5. Let your children help you

6. Play with your children

7. Eat meals as a family

8. Seek out one-on-one opportunities often

9. Respect their choices

10. Make them a priority in your life

I know not all of these a relevant any more in everyone's life considering the age of the people in the class but some of these things I believe can still be useful. I was wondering if anyone has used any of these tips when they are with there parents or children? Also, if none of these tips are used today, if any of these tips were used at another point in your life and if anyone has been helped out by these?

Blog #8

Over the last few weeks I have noticed that a few topics keep coming up in discussion. One of those topics is caring for older adults. We have discussed the relationship between caregivers and older adults, the stress and obstacles that goes into caring for older adults, we have discussed whether or not younger people have the responsibility to care for those who can't care for themselves and that no one person should have to have the sole responsibility of caring for a person as it is simply to difficult to do. I have found an article that discusses this topic of caring for older adults further. The article is called "Caregivers strong commitment to their Relationship with Older People" from the International Journal of Nursing Practice. The articles discusses that in Sweden, there is growing need to take care of the elderly because more people are choosing to remain in their homes for longer periods of time. This article closely examined the relationship between those giving the car and those receiving care. The article found that whether the experiences the caregiver has is positive or negative a theme of a "strong commitment to the relationship" emerged. An interest point that the article made is that that the caregivers' commitment develops due to a fear of doing something wrong even when they are acting in the patient's best interest.

I was wondering what people thought of this last point that commitment can be and sometimes is developed out of fear of doing something wrong. Also, any other thought about developing a commitment to caregivers is also appropriate.

Here is a link to the article if anyone is interested:

http://content.ebscohost.com/pdf23_24/pdf/2010/81A/01Apr10/48786734.pdf?T=P&P=AN&K=48786734&S=R&D=a9h&EbscoContent=dGJyMMvl7ESep7I4zOX0OLCmr0mep7VSs664SLCWxWXS&ContentCustomer=dGJyMPGvrkiwr7FMuePfgeyx44Dt6fIA

Blog #7

Today in class we discussed children leaving the house and then coming back to live with their family and we had some really good discussion. We got the views that it is not good for the parents or the children as the parents will be unable to get rid of the children and the children will regress to the maturity level of a teenager and may tend to "leech" (for sake of better word) on to the finances and resources of their parents. Other people were more on the idea that there parents are willing and wanting their children to move back in with them. As I review the discussion again think about my own situation. I am in a situation where finding a job next year is not a guarantee and may not happen right away and I may be in the position where I am forced to move back in which my parents. The good thing is that my parents have always repeated the fact that I will always have a place to live no matter what my situation is. I can not explain how much simply knowing this gets rid of many of my worries and greatly lessens my stress levels and anxiety about my future. The other advantage to the situation I find myself in with having an invitation to move back in if I need it is I do not have to rush into a bad situation in hastily choosing a job and maybe cornering myself into a job that I don't want. This is similar to an episode of the office I watched the other week when Darryl and Andy was interviewing people to take over for the warehouse crew as they all quite because they all won the lottery. Darryl asked them why they wanted to work there and one of them responded....."because I need a job"......Darryl then responded you shouldn't take the first job that comes your way, but you want the right job. This is a very similar situation I may find myself in and going home to live with my parents will simply "buy time" until I am unable to find the right situation for me. I don't even know if parents realize that they are doing this....a move that may help both parties out in the long run.

Also when I go back and think of the conversation we had in class I immediately think of the TV series Everyone Loves Raymond. In the show Robert is forced to go back and live with his parents for many years due to numerous reasons. And while he is there the parents continue to remind him that he is there and alot of the time in a way that is poking fun of the fact that he has to live with his parents. However, no matter how much they say they want him to leave they never actually force him to leave and allow him to stay as long as he wants. As I think of the show I think of the many people who I graduated with a few years ago and many of them are still living with there parents due to lack of other options instead of wanting to be there. This raises a few questions that I had for the class:

1. Do you know anyone that is being forced to move back to live with their parents?

2. Do you feel that you will one day be living back with your parents? If so, do you believe that it will be by choice or due to necessity?

3. Do you fear that if you go back and live with your parents, it will put the rest of your life on hold or do you feel that this will benefit you more than it will hurt you?

Blog #6

As we continue our discussion of widowhood (or just coping with the loss of a loved one, may it be a spouse, a father, a mother or a sibling) I continue to think of the effects that go into dealing with something like that. I know there are different stages to grieving such as anger, bargaining and eventually coming to terms with the situation. I was curious on what other responses that happen when this type of event happens and I found an article that answered the question. The article was from the academic journal Psychology and Aging and was written by Margaret Gentry and Arthur Shurman. The article answered my question of what people do to deal with the death of a spouse as the article was titled Remarriage As A Coping Response To Widowhood. This article looked at only what certain women do as a result of their husband dying when they were still healthy enough to remarry. The article found that women who had remarried reported fewer current concerns than the people who did remarry or even considered remarrying. Also the authors found that the ones that had the most difficulty and hardest time dealing with the situation immediately after the death were the ones that were most likely ones to remarry as a coping. I found that this article was very interesting that people actually get remarried as a way to deal with the loss of a spouse. After learning about and reading about the widowhood effect I can understand why someone would want to remarry quickly in order to have that companionship again. It makes perfect sense to me although I am not sure I would be able to remarry if I had a long term marriage and my companion suddenly passed away. I was wondering if the class had an opinion on the topic.

Blog #5

The other day in class we discussed the topic of widowhood and as part of that we discussed the widowhood effect. To be honest, I have never heard of of this concept of having a spouse die and this result will in turn lead to your own death. I came across an article the other day from the Seattle Times that discussed this concept. In this article a couple has been married for 81 years and then his wife died and within the next 48 hours he died. The article pointed out that he would always say that he could never live without his wife and what is interesting to me that he was not just saying that, he probably believed in his mind that the bond they had was so strong and there for so many years that once he did end up going that he was not going to be able to go on without her. I don't know about anyone else but when we watched the clip in class about a spouse dying I can see why people would not know how to cope without the aid of a spouse. I found that clip to be very beneficial to clarifying a topic that I did not know about. Also this article was the Seattle Times also showed me more about the topic than I previously knew. I find this topic to be very fascinating how two people can be so connected that they have their lives relying on one another.

Blog #4

In class today we discussed how to keep a spark alive when we talk about long term relationships. We had some good ideas in class such as traveling and having a date night. As I look at a good relationship in my family I look at my Uncle Tom and my Aunt Joan. These two have been together for over 25 years and the majority of the time they have both kept the same schedule; my uncle works nights and my aunt works a regular day shift and they say that this schedule is the reason that they have such a strong relationship. This schedule does not give them a lot of time to see each other during the week but it does give them just enough time together where they are not annoyed with each other and they get enough time apart where they are excited to see each other when they do get a chance to spend time together. This schedule also gives each other enough time to have their own separate lives and a chance to chase their own interests.

Blog #3

Last week in class during our current event class discussion a question was about how siblings deal with problem as they age and it took me a few days to think about this. I believe that the foundations of how siblings, whether it be brother-brother, sister-sister or sister brother, deal with each is established when they are at a young age. I believe that the amount to which this happens depends on how close in age the siblings are, whereas the ones that are closer in age will have a more developed foundation for these siblings. I believe that the closer that siblings are in age the stronger there relationship will be and that is not to say that siblings that have a large age gap cannot have a strong relationship I just believe that you can substitute the bond you have when you are close in age. Someone mentioned that they fight a ton with their siblings and i believe that this due to how close the two are....ironically siblings that are really close can have this closeness bring them apart at times. But once a foundation is established when you are younger you will continue these same types of problem solving behavior into adulthood. Sure it wont be the exact same as problem solving skills grow and people mature but the basic approaches will not change and always remain the same. Examples: if siblings resolve conflicts when they were younger by yelling than I believe they will continue to yell as they get older.