One of the last topics that we discussed in class was the role of grandparent-grandchild relationship. I found it interesting when we broke into groups and discussed our relationship with our grandparents and their roles in family. Also, we were given the chance to listen to what other people had to say (found this part to be very interesting) and we were given the opportunity to share with the class. For me personally, I have two very different relationships with my grandparents. One set of my grandparents are deceased and my other two grandparents are divorced. I live close to my grandmother (when at home) and my relationship with her is very strong as I see and talk to her all the time. However, my grandfather lives in South Carolina and I only see him on the major holidays so my relationship is non existent when those times are not around. These discussions, along with my own thoughts, got me to thinking what the lives are like for these grandparents when they actually parent their grandchildren. I found a article titled "Grandparents Who Parent Their Grandchildren: Effects on Lifestyle". The study of the article looked at a sample of 114 grandparents who provide daily care to their grandchildren. The study found that 40% of the grandparents that their contact with their friends changed as a result of their taking care of their grandchildren. The study also found that half of the subjects said that they has "some" or "a lot of" problems with family because they were providing care to their grandchildren. The study also found that most married grandparents reported no change in having time for their spouse or in marital satisfaction with their spouse.
This last finding surprised me because I have learned in past FSW courses that marital satisfaction decreases once children enter the equation. So I was surprised to see that once Grandparents had to take care of their children that their marital satisfaction remained strong and unchanging. The other results I was not surprised at.
Questions to consider for the class?
Do any of these findings surprise you or do you feel that they are all right were they should be?
Do you feel that once people hit a certain age, they are better prepared to deal with children?
Do you think that older adults are good parents or do you feel that they do not do a good job due to their age?
George, the fact that marital satisfaction of grandparents did not change as a result of caring for children surprised me too. I too have learned that children decrease marital satisfaction. However, because we are talking about grandparents, perhaps they are caring for children because of they want to and find enjoyment in it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think once people hit a certain age, they are better prepared to deal with children for a few reasons. If people wait longer, they may be able to better provide for their children financially. Second, older people have much more life experience of dealing with people. They may be able to handle more stressful situations when they are older. Furthermore, they may have had more time to prepare for a child if they wait. They may have made a more calculated decision about having that child. Finally, they may be at a better place to have a child when it comes to their career. When we are young, that is the time to learn and grow in a business. Once, we have a bit more experience and our job is more steady we may be better prepared for a child.
I do not think age has anything to do with being a good parent. I think it has to do with resources, experience, and preparedness. Also, it has to do with how invest that parent or grandparent is in raising that child. If a parent or grandparent is not prepared financially AND emotionally, I feel that they will not be as successful as a parent that is. Finally, if a grandparent is not mobile or is disabled in some way they may not be able to fully care for a child if they cannot take care of themselves.
I agree with Sarah! I was completely shocked when I saw that the marital satisfaction of grandparents did not change as a result of caring for children. I also enjoyed reading her statement about hitting a certain age and being more prepared to deal with children. I couldn't have said it better.
ReplyDeleteI don't think age is the deciding factor of what it means to be a good parent. Good parenting has a lot to do with the family' environment, resource availability, family dynamics and financial dependency. Some grandparents may have physical limitations when it comes to raising children, but they also provide emotional support and unconditional love.
I'm personally impressed by grandparents that care for children. It takes a lot of responsibility to take on the parenting role for a second time, especially once you've already been through the entire thing. So when I think about the question if grandparents make good parents to their grandchildren, I would say astoundingly yes. Grandparents have had the experience that most parents lack that then allow them to be the best possible support system for their grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I was thinking about that may be interesting is that grandparents may feel a need to raise their grandchildren in the case of parental failure due to a feeling of having failed in the raising of their kids. I could just see older adults being upset about the fact that their kids have failed at being parents, and they probably blame themselves. They may even view raising their grandchildren as a debt them owe them due to not raising their children correctly in their mind. I don't believe that's really possible, but I do believe older adults may be trying to redeem their parenting skills and make sure that their lineage will have a positive and promising future.
I was also surprised by the fact that grandparents marital satisfaction did not change when caring for children. However, it does make sense once I thought about it because they have already raised children, so they are probably more experienced than they were in the past and know what to do and not to do when raising children. Also, they are probably more aware of the fact that they need to make time for themselves as a couple, and they may not have taken notice of this when they first had their children because they were trying so hard to be good parents.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree that when people reach a certain age they are better able to be a better parent. However, I do not believe that is always the case. I think that it is better to wait when you are financially and emotionally ready to have a child, but who ever really knows that they are 100% ready to raise a child. I think that being a good parent is something that comes about while being a parent. You can read all of the parenting books you want, but I don't think you can really know what it's like to be a parent until you are one.
Fascinating topic for discussion, George. I was not surprised by the findings because I think there is a big difference to take care of your children and grandchildren. From my perspective marital satisfaction is affected of the parents' is affected with having kids, however grandparents' marriage has totally different dynamics. I feel like taking care of the grandchildren at their age would actually strengthen the marriage.
ReplyDelete