Thursday, October 6, 2011
Blog #4
In class today we discussed how to keep a spark alive when we talk about long term relationships. We had some good ideas in class such as traveling and having a date night. As I look at a good relationship in my family I look at my Uncle Tom and my Aunt Joan. These two have been together for over 25 years and the majority of the time they have both kept the same schedule; my uncle works nights and my aunt works a regular day shift and they say that this schedule is the reason that they have such a strong relationship. This schedule does not give them a lot of time to see each other during the week but it does give them just enough time together where they are not annoyed with each other and they get enough time apart where they are excited to see each other when they do get a chance to spend time together. This schedule also gives each other enough time to have their own separate lives and a chance to chase their own interests.
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I think what you said about their time together and apart is really interesting. I liked the fact that they spend enough time away so that when they're together it's an exciting time. To be together for so long and still get excited to see one another is a GREAT thing. They seem to have a great system working for them, but I find it funny how different my parents are since they've also been together for 25 years. My parents have the same group of friends and spend all kinds of time together, but they seem to need one another that much. I think if they spend too much time away from one another it would end tragically! I guess it makes sense that different relationships work out for different individuals!!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of not necessarily seeing your spouse everyday. I often tell people that I want a husband who travels for work or I want to travel. I would love to be with someone who I can see 3 days a week and then spend the other days at my job or working on my own life goal. I think people who spend everyday together often loose sight of what they have in their relationship. Those who are apart more have time to miss each other and appreciate the time they do get to spend with each other more. I can defiantly see why your aunt and uncle have such a strong relationship and i'm glad that scenario led to such happiness for them. Gives me hope!
ReplyDeleteI think my parents have the perfect balance of time together and time apart. My dad spends a lot of his time coaching soccer which is his first true love. My mom spends a good amount of time traveling for a new job that she is enjoying a ton. But when they both get free time, they truly appreciate it and take advantage of it. They are always going to see a movie, show, or on a walk, etc. A great example of finding balance in time apart and together in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteWow! That is an interesting point! To be completely honest I have never thought about that, but as Devin says it makes sense because you start appreciating the time you have together. When you see each other every day, you get used to it, it become a part of your daily routine,but when you have short periods of time without each other you are waiting those special moments and see your spouse in a new light! My question is what would be the normal/healthy time without each other?
ReplyDeleteI think the idea of working two completely different shifts could be good for some and difficult for others. For me, I cannot imagine having such little time together, but I can see how that can make what little time you have together to appreciate one another. I think that takes a really strong relationship to be able to handle such a stressful schedule, but it sounds like they are seeing it in such a positive light which really surprised me.
ReplyDeleteMy parents have been together for 37 years and they have quite the opposite relationship. It's not as if they spend every waking hour together, but the majority of their days are spent together. They have coffee together, read the newspaper, run errands, do yard work, and chores all together. I think they are making up for lost time as they both previously had very demanding jobs where the majority of their days were spent apart. I enjoy this because they've become much closer and when they annoy each other they know when to back off and be autonomous again.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I both work 1st shift jobs. However, my husband works 10-12 hours days. I get home around 6pm and he enters the house around 8pm. Dinner is already fixed and our daughter has completed homework and by now getting ready for bed. After my husband showers, we talk and discuss our day or watch a movie for a couple of hours or two. Then it's off to bed around 11:00pm, only to be up to go to work again around 6am. While this may be a short amount of time to spend together, it works in our household because we are glad to see each other and cherish the small time that we do share. Saturday and Sundays are our off days and those times are spent mostly with our daughter doing family activities.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important that each couple finds their own way to make their relationship work. For my parents, I do not think the schedule your aunt and uncle had would work, which shows that there is not one set rule on how to make marriages work. My parents have the same group of friends and try to spend as much time as they can together. Although they love spending a lot of time together, they each have their own activities and careers so they have to balance their time between everything. They have been married 35 years so it seems to be working for them! I think every couple just needs to find their right balance to work over the years!
ReplyDeleteWhen talking about keeping the spark alive, I look towards my mom and dad. They have been married for about 36 years. I always ask them for advice in my own relationships because I figure that they have the best kind of advice on how to make a relationship work. My mom always says that she isn't worried that my dad will be bored because she doesn't think anyone else would put up with him. My dad says that he doesn't think that mom would get tired of him because hes a basket case. I think that they have a great relationship and I hope to someday have a relationship with someone that is half that good.
ReplyDeleteI talked with you about this in class and it is a very interesting concept. I think that it is good for a couple to spend some time apart. It is important to keep the spark alive and have that special relationship. Today in class we talked about the widowhood effect, which was very interesting. I think that if couples have a life aside from their relationship that maybe that concept could be prevented. Not all couples have opposite work schedules like that and I think that they just need to make an effort regarding what they do with their time together. They need to continue to do exciting things, both separately and together.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good point when it comes to relationships. I have to agree that time apart strengthens your relationship because then you value the time together. My aunt and uncle both work opposite schedules and they have a very positive relationship. They have date nights and truly enjoy their time together. On the flip side, my other aunt and uncle spend every waking moment together and fight non stop. This may be due to other reasons also but I think spending to much time together and not having outside relationships, impacts your relationship negatively.
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