Monday, October 31, 2011
Blog #6
As we continue our discussion of widowhood (or just coping with the loss of a loved one, may it be a spouse, a father, a mother or a sibling) I continue to think of the effects that go into dealing with something like that. I know there are different stages to grieving such as anger, bargaining and eventually coming to terms with the situation. I was curious on what other responses that happen when this type of event happens and I found an article that answered the question. The article was from the academic journal Psychology and Aging and was written by Margaret Gentry and Arthur Shurman. The article answered my question of what people do to deal with the death of a spouse as the article was titled Remarriage As A Coping Response To Widowhood. This article looked at only what certain women do as a result of their husband dying when they were still healthy enough to remarry. The article found that women who had remarried reported fewer current concerns than the people who did remarry or even considered remarrying. Also the authors found that the ones that had the most difficulty and hardest time dealing with the situation immediately after the death were the ones that were most likely ones to remarry as a coping. I found that this article was very interesting that people actually get remarried as a way to deal with the loss of a spouse. After learning about and reading about the widowhood effect I can understand why someone would want to remarry quickly in order to have that companionship again. It makes perfect sense to me although I am not sure I would be able to remarry if I had a long term marriage and my companion suddenly passed away. I was wondering if the class had an opinion on the topic.
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I found it interesting that the article said that the one's who had the most difficult time coping with their spouses death were the one's more likely to remarry. I would have found this to be the opposite because if someone was so heartbroken by the death of their spouse, they would no longer have the ability or energy to extend their love to anyone else again. I suppose I assumed that because thats how I would be. When I love and it ends for some reason, such as death, I no longer am interested in investing my love again. I'd rather not love than love and be hit that had emotionally again when something happens. I do have friends on the other hand who always have a boyfriend/ grilfriend so their coping skills to dealing with loss is to find a new love to help that feeling of loss. It's interesting how everyone has different coping skills, and even though I tend to veer from love, I think it is totally acceptable and emotionally healthy for a widow to remarry if they feel they can conjure those feelings again.
ReplyDeleteThat seems really interesting that someone would remarry to cope with a loss. I really don't think remarrying someone else would help me deal with the loss of a spouse. I guess having a companion would be the reason, but I feel like a close friend would help with that. But maybe it's something you would not know how you feel until you get into that position.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this is a very interesting idea to think about. I also, would have thought that the opposite would be likely to happen but I guess it is also important to realize that this is a very individualistic situation and that every person may handle the situation differently. At least that is what I took from the article.
ReplyDeleteSince I am not married it is difficult for me to imagine the loss of a spouse but I still do not believe that remarriage should be a coping mechanism, i see it more like a selfish act, and even betrayal. I agree with Megan - a person can find a support from friends, but there is no need to jump into the next marriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Polina with her last statement that there is no need to jump to marriage when this occurs. Relating to my own family experience, my grandma has recently began talking to another guy, and my grandpa died three three years ago. It was very hard for my family to see my grandma move on to someone else because we are so used to her being with my grandpa that it is still shocking. At first, we were all skeptical and there was a bit of hostility, but now seeing what a great guy he is we have come to understand. He provides my grandma with great emotional support and makes her so happy. However they do not plan on getting married, because of my grandma's pension she is recieving, although she said she would marry him in a heartbeat if she wouldnt be loosing so much money. So overall, this new found relationship did not occur immediately after my grandpa died, so I dont think it was for coping reasons, more of being friends.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting that people would remarry to cope with the loss of their spouse. I do not think I personally would be able to do that but I am not married so I guess I really can't know. When my grandpa died, my step grandma immediately met someone else and began dating. She actually met him in a grieving group for people who had just lost a spouse. It was really upsetting for the rest of my family who felt that she was betraying my grandpa especially so soon after he died. I suppose this was her way of coping with the loss but it still seems very inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely an interesting discussion. Remarriage as a coping mechanism, though it is probably thought about a lot, is not normally discussed. I can absolutely understand why someone would want to remarry right away, especially if they are used to having a spouse around for the majority of their life (as widows and widowers may feel in later life). However, out of respect for the deceased I do not think it is appropriate to jump into a relationship right away. I do not think I would be able to get into another relationship unless I completely coped with the loss of my beloved.
ReplyDeleteChelsea brings up a good point, many family members may feel that by getting into another relationship right away it may look as if that widow or widower is betraying the family. I do not think anyone wants to see their grandma with anyone other than their grandpa (or vice versa). It would be very difficult to support or take that relationship seriously, especially if it occurs in the first few months after a loved one passes.